Male sexual abuse is more common than you might think, affecting approximately 1 out of 6 men and boys. However, facts about this topic are not commonly known, leaving many men who are subjected to abuse to think that their experience is abnormal. In part, this is also caused by many myths and rumors about what this experience is like for men. Without many resources in place these myths go unchecked and continue in our society. Below are some of the most common myths about male sexual abuse. Hopefully this will shed some light on a topic that does not get enough attention.

Common Myths and Misconceptions:

“Men cannot be sexually assaulted or abused.”

This is simply false. Research tells us that 1 in 6 men have been sexually abused before the age of 18. This number is a conservative estimate as male survivors are less likely to report sexual violence than women. Unfortunately, the exact number is most likely quite a bit higher.

“Sexual Abuse is less harmful to boys than girls.

Sexual abuse is harmful to people of any gender. There is no group of people who are not harmed when sexually abused. Unfortunately boys are often celebrated for having a sexual experience regardless of their age or the age of the person engaging in sexual activity with them. So, when a boy is abused by an older woman, he is often told that he was lucky or should have enjoyed it. This can be very harmful to a young person and can also perpetuate boys and men feeling unsafe to speak up or report the incident. Abuse in any form should never be celebrated.

“If a boy/man experienced sexual arousal during the abuse, he wanted it/enjoyed it.“

Physical arousal in boys/men is a biological reaction to stimulation. Being physically aroused does not mean that you wanted to engage in a sexual experience. Many men blame themselves for the abuse or think it was their fault if they had a physical reaction. Being abused is never your fault and arousal does not equal consent.

Addressing Societal and Gender Expectations:

Asking for help may be even more difficult for a man who has experienced or continues to experience sexual abuse because of the roles society has associated with being a man. Particularly in North American culture, boys are encouraged to be tough, suppress feelings, and avoid displaying any signs of vulnerability or weakness. This socialization of men can lead to health issues—both mental and physical. Men are taught to distance themselves from any qualities or behaviors considered “feminine,” and because sexual abuse is more commonly perceived as a female issue, it is even more difficult for a boy or man to acknowledge or raise attention to their own abuse.

Additionally, society encourages and praises men who are sexually promiscuous and expects them to seek out sexual experiences rather than avoid them. This notion is particularly harmful to young boys who have not yet had the opportunity to develop mentally, emotionally or physically. Because there is a such a lack of resources and information for men who experience sexual abuse, many are left to cope with the fallout of the abuse in whatever way they can. For some this may look like avoiding intimacy, substance use, or isolation. Experiences may include but are not limited to: anxiety, flashbacks, nightmares, shame and guilt, or intrusive thoughts. All these symptoms are common and highly treatable. Survivors of abuse can and do go on to live meaningful and happy lives. As such, there is no need to suffer in silence. If you, or someone you love, is a survivor of sexual abuse please know that counselling services are available to you.

Benefits of Therapy for Boys and Men:

Emotional Processing, Healing, and Support:
- Trauma Processing: Therapy provides a safe space to express and process traumatic experiences which is crucial for emotional healing
- Managing Emotions: shame, guilt, anger and sadness are all normal responses to enduring sexual assault. Survivors of sexual assault are at higher risk of developing depression and anxiety. Therapy can help manage and ease these overwhelming emotions.
- PTSD: Therapy can help address symptoms of PTSD such as flashbacks, nightmares and hyper-vigilance.
Improving Self-Esteem and Self-Worth:
- Building Self-Esteem: therapy can help rebuild a survivor’s self-esteem and sense of self-worth by challenging and changing self-blaming thoughts and attitudes and offering reprieve from negative thought-cycles.
Developing Healthy Coping Mechanisms:
- Stress and Triggers: therapy helps identify triggers and develop healthy ways of dealing with stress and overcoming mental obstacles while providing a safe outlet to allow survivors to avoid substance abuse or other unhealthy coping mechanisms.
Rebuilding Trust and Relationships:
- Abuse can shatter one’s ability to trust others. Therapy can help provide tools to rebuilding this trust so that relationships can flourish and survivors can lead a happy and full life.
Sexual Health and Intimacy Issues:
- Intimacy can often be a challenge for survivors. Therapy can help address mental blocks and reduce sexual dysfunction that might result from sexual abuse.
Reframing Gender Norms and Expectations:
- Our counsellors can help challenge harmful gender norms that discourage men from acknowledging their feelings and experiences.
- Reducing isolation: having survivors’ experiences validated allows them to feel less alone and feel more hopeful.
Promoting Overall Well-Being:
- A holistic approach to healing promotes overall mental, emotional and physical well-being and encourages personal growth and resilience to empower survivors to move forward with their life.